Home Away from Home

I often refer to Orange Beach as my "home away from home".  We've traveled here for 11 years, and that's truly how it feels.  Each year, part of the excitement is arriving at the condo we've rented to see how neat it really is in person.  They're always clearly professionally decorated and just beachy and fun.

When deciding between condos this year, mom sent me three options.  Two of them were adorable, and had a weekly rate around what we were used to paying.  Then, there was the wild card - sparsely decorated and really cheap.  It didn't take me long to decide to take a chance on door #3.

"I'll take the chipper chicken Franc" I said, quoting Steve Martin in Father of the Bride (a phrase we use in the Kuebler family when going with the less expensive choice)

Well, a wild card it certainly is.

Before you take the virtual tour, here are a few alternate titles for this post:
YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR
4 Gentlemen, 2 Ladies and Some Monkeys
Is That an Urn in the Corner or are you just happy to see me?
Grandma Died and gave us all of her shit
My Eyes are Burning at the Sight of that Color!

We could go on and on...So without further adieu...

First impressions are everything.  So why not paint a mural of 4 waiters carrying wine in the entryway? I mean, why not? 

The hall bath color is not done justice in this picture.  But the mismatched crooked gold sconces on the wall add a nice balance. 

Holy hell, my bedroom is scary for so many reasons.  My eyes burn from the red.  The tree might bend over and swallow me in the middle of the night.  What happened to bend the headboard the way it is? What's with the large octagonal table?   

 And the monkeys.  The scary, scary monkeys.  This should never be on anyone's wall.  Ever.   

They're everywhere.

If burn your eyes red weren't bad enough, let's enter the brightest yellow bathroom you've ever seen. Go Cyclones?

They liked the color so much they decided to pain the bathroom door as well.  Look closely at the tea set in the corner.  That matches the theme of scary monkeys...

Oh, phew!  There are some more! On that chair cover.  Caps for Sale?

Headed down a stark white hallway, a single giraffe hanger is used as decoration above a pantry door.

This laundry room looks harmlessly lime green at first, until you realize the bird cage with the crimson candle and the backless time-out chair.

And a mirror hung too high to see into, with ya know, 3 large bells.

They ran out of ideas when it came to the kitchen, so they kept it completely white.  Sadly, despite the discolored fridge handle, this is the best looking room in the place.  

But fear not, we have a harp playing cherub in the wet bar, accompanied by an elephant carrying wine corks and a little water damage to boot. 

The living room boasts ugly draperies, a huge urn with sticks and grandma's rocking chair.  Not to mention the beheaded giraffe you saw on Monday's post. 

Heading into mom's room, the dangling "chandelier" smoke detector adds ambiance. 

Look closely at that rod on the left.  Apparently the word "level" was not in their vocabulary. 

Zebra rug, palm tree and pink bed skirt.  Another broken headboard.  A light that does not work.  Par for the course at this point. 

Another one of grandma's heirloom nightstand a bit more animal print. Raarr. 

GOLD!!!  (It's really shiny in real life)

Not too bad, all things considered.  'Cept the painting is literally on the edge of the wall, the sconce has another gaudy candle, and that big planter has nothing in it. 

Okay, so this is certainly NOT our home away from home.  Thank God it's got a kick ass view.