Kelsey Should Come Home Now

I realized this week that if I didn't have a wife, I'd probably be dead. I'd become a sleep deprived, emaciated shell of a human. It's probably best if Kelsey comes home now. I have some strange quirks/habits that Kelsey helps me keep in check by reminding me to be human.

For instance, sometimes I don't eat. It's nothing serious, but if I don't have dinner plans I'll forget to eat. I get distracted, especially if I have something productive I need to do--homework, a project, anything. I'll just keep on working sans food. This annoys my lovely wife a great deal. We can be running errand after errand, and she'll finally, very calmly with tons of patience, ask, "When the hell are we going to eat?" I usually respond with, "Oh yeah. Food."

This week on Tuesday (retirement party), on Wednesday (study group in Cedar Rapids), and on Thursday (marathon take home mid-term work) I realized I was hungry around 10:15 at night. On Tuesday and Wednesday I didn't eat. On Thursday, I ordered Jimmy Johns...which leads to another problem I have:

I don't have any concept or respect for time. I'll start something like laundry or organizing a random closet at 10:00 at night. I'll get a burst of productivity and ride it until the wee hours of the morning. Sometimes I'll get a burst of unproductivity and unride it until the wee hours of the morning. This is a typical conversation Kelsey and I have the day after a day she goes to bed earlier than me:

"What time did you come to bed last night?" Kelsey asks.

"Actually, it was probably around 1:30am." Jay says.

"Why?"

"Well I was going to come to bed, but then the Godfather was on TV. I hadn't seen it in a while, so I watched it. That made me want to watch the second one, so I put it in the dvd player. You understand."

"No. No I don't. Who could possibly understand that?"

This week I made a pot of coffee at 8:30pm on Monday. I organized most of my iTunes files at 10:15pm on Thursday. Why did I do these things? Because I didn't have a lovely wife to, very calmly with tons of patience, ask, "What are you doing?"

Along those lines, I don't have a reminder inside of me that says, "It's late. You're tired. You have to wake up in five hours. Go to bed." When Kelsey's here, I know I need to go to bed because she goes to bed. That's my reminder. When Kelsey's not here, I just find myself waking up on couches around the house. Thursday night, post iTunes organizing, I worked on homework and then...I don't know...I woke up at 1:00am on my basement couch. Substitute that situation with a similarly idiotic situation and replace basement couch with living room couch and you have my Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Clearly, I'd be be a mess without Kelsey. She's the normal to my weird. I think it's about time she gets home. I've been very calm and had tons of patience, but I want (need) my wife back.